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My name is Ashleigh Watson; I am a 22-year-old mother and wife. This semester I will begin my college career at NOVA. My husband is getting ready to graduate from boot camp; he is enlisted in the United States Navy. The reason I told you all these things is so you can get a picture of where I am in my life right now. My son is 13 months old and beginning to walk, and always into something. I am also the secretary at Saint James. I sing in church every Sunday and spend a lot of my time in the church building so you would think that I was one of those people who is totally filled with the Holy Spirit and so on, but that is not my case. I want to share my story with you in the hopes that someone else can relate to my struggle and find some comfort. I have been in church since I was a child, through high school and into my young adult life. I have never had a doubt that I wasn't going to heaven because I believe in God and Jesus, and most of the time I am generally nice to everyone and I thought that was all I needed. Well I was wrong. During my high school years I lived at Patrick Henry Boys and Girls Plantation, partly because I couldn't behave and partly because of the situation in my home. The "girls home" is in Rustburg Virginia, a suburb of Lynchburg, Virginia. When I say suburb I mean the town has one road and everyone knows everyone. Moving from here to there was a huge adjustment for me, but I was about to get a much bigger one. Every morning we had to be up at 5 in the morning for devotions before school. We also went to church every Sunday and had a Christian couple as our house-parents. I really started getting into church and my own personal faith, I grew a conscience which I had buried a long time ago and really felt like I had someone to answer to most of the time. I started having conversations in my head with God about anything and everything. Never in my life had I ever been so open and honest, I only prayed when I needed something and usually it was something very selfish. This bond that I had built continued through high school, but then came graduation. When I graduated and moved out of the girls home I was 18 years old and on my own, with my car, freedom, and you can imagine the rest. I definately had some wild oats that needed to be sown. I was accepted to Liberty University and made it, just barely, through the semester. After that, I fell in with the "wrong" crowd and didn't return to college. Time passed and my connection with Jesus that I had felt so strongly was completely gone, and I didn't even realize it. Truth be told I didn't even notice, it's amazing the way Satan can make things seem ok while gradually pushing the things you know are right out of your view. My life continued to spiral downward for quite a while. I was struggling with becoming an adult, and making responsible adult decisions (which I had no idea how to do). Eventually I met my now husband and that was the beginning of the path that I am on now. When Landon and I met we were both on the wrong paths, and have helped each other find the right one. I wish that this was the part of my story where I told you something miraculous happened to me and now my cup runneth over, but that is not the case. Before Landon left for boot camp he was baptized here at Saint James. His baptism has really changed his life, his outlook, and his relationship with Jesus. I, on the other hand, have been struggling to find that relationship that I used to have, I have put my busy life first and have not found a way to break that habit. I cannot fully concentrate on what Jesus is telling me, or what direction he is pointing me in. For me this is terribly devastating because I see other people who have "it", that whole God experience and personal relationship, that is the thing that I crave. For me I find comfort in the fact that Jesus must want me to walk this path, to make myself realize what I want and that I am going to have to work for it. I cannot relate to people who see Jesus in something everyday because I am not there yet. I can however relate to those who are searching for their connection. I have finally come to the conclusion that it's ok not to have "it" immediately and that the journey is probably the most brutally honest, confusing, frustrating, and fulfilling part of the relationship. So for those of you who are struggling on your paths and making excuses that you are too busy and don't give God the time he deserves everyday, don't get down on yourselves and give up because you are not the only one. I am not sad that my story does not have a nice pretty ending, because I have only just begun. |
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Saint James United Methodist Church
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